Today I am writing about self compassion… Which I need to have way more of? I think we all do? Especially as moms, wives, employees, etc…  We are expected to be able to do everything all the time and post these perfect posts on social media. Well guess what – it’s not perfect. Life is hard and messy and wonderful and amazing all at once.  The problem with having anxiety, the hard and messy times become much bigger.

My stupid dental procedure (literally one week ago) has caused some complications (partly because I didn’t follow all post surgery instructions) and partly because I don’t have self compassion for myself.  I don’t have patience. I want to feel better when I expect to (it has to be on my timeline). Hence the perfectionism thing I mentioned in an earlier post.  So after two days, I chose to eat and chew and do more than I was supposed to, and now a week later, I’m in a lot pain and very anxious because I don’t feel good.  Granted I am a big baby when it comes to pain (especially dental pain).  But somehow I handled two c-sections like a rock star.  I don’t know why the dentist crumbles me into a big baby.  The antibiotic has made me feel sick and all I want is a glass of wine (which I can’t have). Now my husband is about to travel for the rest of the week and my anxiety is spiking and a thousand what ifs are crossing my mind. OK more than crossing my mind – circling, spinning, running, flipping, jumping… What I need most right now instead of letting the thoughts spin is to practice self care and self compassion!

So what is self compassion? 

Self Compassion is an extension of kindness, care, warmth, and understanding (instead of beratement and criticism) toward oneself when faced with shortcomings, inadequacies, or failures.  It is the care and nurturing of we offer ourselves, or come short of a goal we were hoping to achieve. It is the acknowledgement of our pain, and the rejection of the notion that we should just “tough it out.” Having self compassion means to honor and accept your own humanness and accept that in life, you will encounter a number of unfortunate circumstances, sometimes where you’re the one at fault. Self compassion is having grace for oneself.  

Some tips for practicing self compassion:

1. Acknowledge your pain – Notice when you’re hurting and allow yourself to mourn the fact that you are not perfect. Resist the temptation to pretend like nothing’s wrong or that your feelings don’t matter.
2. Adopt a perspective – View the world through the lens of a best friend or caring individual. When you’re tempted to be self-critical or judgemental, try to speak to yourself as someone who cares about you would; consider what they might say to encourage you.
3. Practice – Being self compassionate is not an innate quality, and it’s often learned in our family of origin.  As adults, we can choose to practice this skill until one day it feels like second nature.