Is it really OK to go backwards while you are on the journey of self discovery and trying to move forward? If you are hard on yourself like I am, going backwards (even slightly) is a terrible sign of defeat. Of course no one wants to go backwards (even a little bit) but isn’t that part of life? We all have our own definitions as to what “going backwards” really means.  I have this terrible habit of thinking I’ve gone backwards and feeling more anxious and suddenly I am mad at myself.  Not supporting myself, I feel really mad at myself and then start to over think even more.  I start to over analyze my own thought process. I overthink about over thinking. I then get upset because I am overthinking about overthinking. And the vicious cycle continues just like my husband says, I am like my own personal “Ground Hog Day!” I am not very good at identifying and acknowledging my triggers.  I prefer to stay in my perfectionist little bubble until whatever I am NOT focusing on screams “LISTEN TO ME NOW!”  Oddly enough, I wasn’t feeling so hot (mentally or physically) this morning and came across a video of Oprah talking about whispers.  She says you have to listen to the whispers.  I am not always so good at listening to those whispers or being still enough to hear them. When you don’t listen to the whispers, they get louder and louder until they are thunder and lightning bolts that jolt you to a complete stop.  Not  listening to your anxiety is like not listening to a little kid when they are whining. It gets louder and louder until they are screaming at the top of their lungs throwing themselves on the floor.  My anxiety is definitely not screaming, but telling me to slow down a bit and BE a bit more! It’s easy to fall into the all of the distractions around us and a glass of wine or two or three, but it prevents us/me from focusing on the present moment.  I am already starting to stress about my kids going back to school in a month. The worries of homework, sports, and just the change of it all – has my stomach starting to churn. I wish I could just accept being in the right now and take it day by day. I have definitely gotten better at it (and I need to give myself some validation) but it really takes dedication and focus.  It’s so very easy to lose sight of the NOW and get lost in all of the distractions around us.  I am writing today to tell myself and you that it really is OK to go backwards as it’s all part of our Messy Journeys.  We go backwards to go forward and life will never stay on a straight line.  You have ups and you have downs, but it comes to perspective and how you choose to react to both the ups and the downs.  When you have anxious feelings – you NEED for that line to stay straight and to NOT have any DOWNS. It is accepting ourselves for who we are and validating ourselves. It is telling ourselves we are OK and we will be OK no matter what. WE are ENOUGH!

So yes – It is OK to go backwards! Just don’t stay there and keep moving (even if you take baby steps).  And more important don’t beat yourself up for going backwards or even thinking you went a little backwards. The whole beating yourself up is the absolute hardest part – but we have to be there for ourselves. In the end, it’s about us!

ACCEPT the amazing wonderful person you are!

LOVE all of your faults!

BELIEVE you are OK no matter what!

KNOW that you are ENOUGH!

You are NOT anxious – You only have anxious feelings. 

IT IS OK TO GO BACKWARDS – IT’S ALL PART OF THE MESSY JOURNEY! 

This Little Light of Mine – For some reason this song has been ringing in my head a lot lately.  Probably because I am in that place of transition and trying to find my light again (or really get it to shine brighter).  The glass is half full right?!  It’s very easy to let the world around us dim our light. We get so caught up in the world around us, that we forget about one very important thing, US. As Moms, we put everyone and everything else before US… I am personally not very good when it comes to self acceptance, self-care, and self-love.  When we doubt ourselves and feel anxious, our light doesn’t shine as bright. How do we accept who we are and truly love ourselves through all of life’s challenges? I went to a yoga class today (btw yoga is GREAT for anxiety) and the focus was on transition.  Quite suiting considering I have been trying to mentally and single-handedly solve the worlds problems myself.  LOL…  I jest myself because I know my “poor little head” (as my husband calls it) has been spinning in circles worrying about transitions.  During the class today, the instructor focused on the pause and the slow transition from one pose to another (all the while intentionally inhaling and exhaling).  If anyone has taken yoga before, you know that there are key elements of opening your heart and letting your heart shine.  It really is a wonderful feeling to shine bright. The struggle is to keep your heart shining and open once you leave your yoga mat.  I challenge myself and you to keep your heart open and Shine Bright OFF the yoga mat (and in the real world).

THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE 

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, shine, shine
Let it shine!

Everywhere I go, I’m gonna let it shine
Everywhere I go, I’m gonna let it shine
Everywhere I go, I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, shine, shine
Let it shine!

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, shine, shine
Let it shine!

All up in my house, I’m gonna let it shine
All up in my house, I’m gonna let it shine
All up in my house, I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, shine, shine
Let it shine!

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, shine, shine
Let it shine!

Out there in the dark
I’m gonna let it shine
Out there in the dark
I’m gonna let it shine
Out there in the dark
I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, shine, shine
Let it shine!

This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, shine, shine
Let it shine!

Let it shine, shine, shine
Let it shine!
Let it shine, shine, shine
Let it shine!

The SHOULDS = The SHITS

Welcome to the world of anxiety and how it makes me you feel like you SHOULD be what you aren’t.

• I SHOULD be doing something else…
• I SHOULDN’T be feeling this way…
• I SHOULD be better than I am…
• I SHOULD be skinnier…
• I SHOULD exercise more…
• I SHOULDN’T wear those shorts or that dress…
• I SHOULD have more money…
• I SHOULD be more…
• I SHOULD have done better…
• I SHOULD have tried harder…
• I SHOULDN’T have gone backwards…
• I SHOULDN’T feel anxious…
• I SHOULDN’T eat that food…

It gets worse the moment you start trying to control other people and believe “they SHOULD” do certain things.

• They SHOULD do things the way I would do it…
• They SHOULD say the things I would say… (Or really what I want them to say).
• They SHOULDN’T do it like that… (This is usually the way my husband loads the dishwasher – but I’d dare not tell him).
• They SHOULD like me…
• They SHOULD act different…

And we get upset when people and situations don’t go the way we want, plan, hope, or need.  But guess what – We only have the power over OURSELVES.  We do NOT have power over another person or a situation. The POWER is how we CHOOSE to handle that person or that situation. WE can only control OURSELVES!  We only have the power to STOP “Shoulding” ourselves and STOP “Shitting” ourselves.

You see, every time we say the word SHOULD our anxiety is actually talking.  The anxiety is trying to make you second guess yourself.  The anxiety is trying to make other people fit into a nice neat little box (which we know that life doesn’t work that way).  Every time we say SHOULD, we are actually shitting on ourselves.  The SHOULDS = The SHITS. 

I don’t know about you but I am tired of shitting on myself and being my own worst enemy.  I am tired of an insecure thought turning into a spiral.  I know I have written before about literally being shit on by the sea-gull at the beach. It’s one thing to actually be shit on and another to shit on ourselves.  I am trying to find that balance and so darn on hard on myself to make it happen immediately and now and OMG.  In this moment, I challenge myself and you to just STOP – PAUSE – BREATHE – AND BE GRATEFUL.  There are no worries for tomorrow and there are no tears for the past.

We are ENOUGH and we SHOULD accept that. 

And that is the only SHOULD you SHOULD say!  

Do you ever feel like you look in the mirror and see everything you don’t like about yourself? Since I was teenager, I worried about my weight and how I looked (my clothes, my hair, my height, pretty much everything.) My mom always told me how beautiful I was, but to me, the Elephant Man’s mom thought he was beautiful too.  There is always someone who has something better than we do. Their hair is longer, their hair is curlier, their legs are skinnier, their butt is smaller, their butt is bigger, and the list goes on and on.  There is something we all don’t like about our bodies. Even the Victoria Secret supermodels have their issues, but they have one thing we “humans” don’t, PHOTOSHOP. As a teenager, I knew I’d never be a model and 5’9 and skinny.  Yet as a young girl, it’s hard to see magazines with images of what the “PERFECT” woman should look like.  I was certainly not on the cover of a magazine and never will be.  These images and our society have an unreal expectation of what we should look like to be accepted and loved. It’s no wonder we all have body issues thanks to the Christie Brinkleys and Cindy Crawfords of the world.  But it’s also our society that causes what we see in that mirror to be faulted.

How do we stop comparing ourselves to others? How do we accept who we are and what we look like? Whenever I have ever felt fat or bloated, I also felt anxious and defeated and sad.  I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror.  The image in the mirror had the power to take my JOY and self-love away.  Why can’t I just lose 10 lbs? Why did I have to eat all those french fries? Why did I drink that wine again?  Why am not good enough? Why does what we see in that mirror have to affect how we feel about ourselves?   We are each so very unique in our own special ways.  We are tall, short, curvy, or skinny and that’s OK.  It has to be OK.  We have to learn to be OK with whatever we look like.  What we really see in that mirror is a very special and amazing creation and unlike no other – it’s called US.

I really do believe part of the messy journey of life with anxiety means first accepting who we are.  Yes I have anxious feelings but that doesn’t define me. Yes I have panic attacks but that doesn’t define me.  Yes I don’t look like Cindy Crawford and I’m OK with that (at least most of the time). LOL

The path to inner peace (which makes me feel like Deepak Chopra to say this) involves the following:

ACCEPTANCE – Accept who you are and everything about yourself

GRATITUDE – Be thankful for the amazing person you have become, how much you have learned about yourself, and how strong you are

COURAGE – Have the courage to look at that mirror and LOVE what you see

COMPASSION – Practice having compassion for yourself (SELF LOVE) 

I am no expert by any means, but I am certainly trying to accept myself (anxiety and all) and what I see in that mirror. I hope we can all say “Mirror…. Mirror… On the Wall… Who is the fairest one of all? And the answer should be ME!

Today is technically not my moving day but it is for one of my dearest friends.  She was one of my first friends when I moved here almost 12 years ago.  I know wherever we go in life, we will always be friends and support one another.  I write about her moving day because to this anxious person, it’s a loss (and it’s been making me very sad/anxious).  I don’t like feeling sad and anxious, but then again who does. When you are anxious, it’s hard to deal with feelings of sadness but it’s a part of life. It’s a loss of comfort, of bonding, of time together, of laughs and most importantly of seeing her and her family. But it’s also a time to deal with emotions and just allow myself to feel. Anxiety doesn’t let you just feel – it makes you panic.

When I get anxious, I shut down and isolate myself (unintentionally). It’s crazy too because I actually really want to be around people. I can be anxious around this particular friend and IT IS OK. She is one of the few people who knows how anxious I can get and she’s there no matter what. She’s listened to me and cried with me and laughed with me. I don’t feel judged by her. I feel accepted. As you know anxiety is worrying what people think and feeling judged and not accepted. To find a friend who is both non judgemental and accepting – is a true gift.

To my friend – THANK YOU. I thank you for supporting my messy journey as you embark on the next phase of yours.  I thank you for you just being there. We have agreed not to say Good Bye but instead Feliz Navidad!

May we all FIND friends who support our anxiety and tell us we are not crazy. May we all BE friends who accept each other’s faults and empower and encourage.  This world has so much anger and just watching the news causes fear and anxiety.  I’d love to put my family in a protective bubble. Or at least have Captain America or Superman around to save us (with or without their shirts on). Anxiety makes us want to be liked, protected, and saved.  The person we need to protect and save and love is OURSELVES.

While my friend moves to another state, I challenge myself and you to move yourself to a priority. Move yourself TO matter. Move yourself to BE protected. Move yourself to BE OK.  Move yourself to BE LOVED by YOU.

Have you ever been in a place where you are desperate for change but yet scared to death of change at the same time. That’s where I am! I am ready to conquer the world but then also stuck not knowing what to do. Being in this place can be very uncomfortable and that’s where the anxiety thrives. The more unknowns and uncomfortable feelings you have, the more the anxiety can grow and does grow. It’s like feeding your anxiety with plant fertilizer and it’s screaming FEED ME! How do you know what to do and when to do it? How do you set intentions when you aren’t sure of your direction? I have this terrible habit of wanting a plan and being ready to execute, but no patience for the time in between. The waiting, the searching, and the thinking makes me very anxious.  I am 100% a Type A OCD Perfectionist. I need to know what to do and how to do it NOW. Not tomorrow, not next month and most certainly NOT next year. When I can’t figure out what to do, I can feel my mind start to spin and OVERTHINKING. Did I say overthinking? Not knowing what to do is NOT fun. We all want to be liked and to feel important. Not knowing what to do makes me worry more about the little things and what people think.

Here’s what I am trying to do to change my habits:

Gratitude – I have a gratitude journal by my bed and write down 1-3 things I’m thankful for every day.

Goals – I am trying to set short term, immediate goals, and practice being in the NOW.  We all know anxiety is worrying about the past and future – we continue to PEE on TODAY.

Exercise – I have learned that EXERCISE is KEY! I have personally been off my schedule and it’s very hard to get back on track. Once I get off a routine (which we know routines are key for those of us with anxiety), it’s mentally challenging to get going again. I even feel defeated that I’ve gotten off track. This is where our anxiety makes us so hard on ourselves. We start to lose self compassion and instead convince ourselves NOT to exercise at all. Tomorrow I start back up – so I am putting it out there in the universe that I am committing to a new exercise routine. Now I am accountable!

Intentions / Manifesting – This one is new for me. I am still working on finding a way to set a clear intention and work on manifesting it. This is an area I would really like to work on more. It’s slightly intimidating to me as you really have to set your intention and leave the rest to God and the Universe. Anxiety doesn’t let you trust anyone, anything, or any situation. Setting a clear an easy intention is the best way to start. I challenge myself and others to set an easy intention and start slowly.

The fear of change means we are worrying about things that we can not control. We have to trust ourselves and the universe ! There is a bigger plan and we will be OK!

May you find your way out of the past and the future and learn to focus on being in the NOW!!!!  Let’s all set goals and intentions and stop PEE’ING on TODAY!  

“Getting Shit On!”  Literally and figuratively I was SHIT on this past week.  It’s actually quite funny and was very much of a reality check for me. During my escape to my mom’s, none of the “what if’s” I worried about happened, none of the fears happened, no panic attacks, and the drive there and back was fine… My anxiety wasn’t right – I was fine! I am FINE!  It’s amazing how your anxiety can convince you to stay negative and to worry about things that could happen. Why is it so much harder to be stuck in the negative – then to see the positive – to see the blessings – and to be thankful?

During our trip, we went to the beach, my absolute happy place. There’s just something about the feeling of my feet in the sand and the water, the sound of the waves crashing, and the smell of the salt air – it calms my soul.  We had a wonderful day and even though my anxiety was trying to creep out and find things to worry about, it wasn’t strong enough for the beach or my mom! I think I actually took a deep breath.  So while my anxiety tried to whisper worries, I frolicked in the ocean (yes I used the work frolic).

I’m sure you are wondering how I got SHIT on while in my HAPPY place.  While I was frolicking in the ocean and laughing and playing with my son, I felt something wet smack me on the shoulder.  I looked around thinking maybe some obnoxious kid had thrown wet sand at me. The only kid near me was my own and he was now walking toward our beach chairs. I started to follow him out of the water and out of the corner of my eye I noticed a greenish snot like blob on my left shoulder. Instantly and with some panic I stopped walking and looked around, there were SEAGULLS flying all over my head. A bunch of annoying beach goers were feeding seagulls right by the shore line. Just as I looked up, I realized one of the seagulls had just pooped on me. I was just SHIT on! EWWWWWW and OMG! I told my son I was pooped on and he started laughing and ran to the rest of our family to tell them of my trauma. I was disgusted. I ran into the force of the waves and let the water remove the SHIT off my shoulder. So GROSS!  Once I was confident it was off me, I started walking up to my family and could see the huge smiles on their faces. That’s when I started laughing – not just laughing at the actual SHIT that was on my shoulder, but at the SHIT I’ve let bother me that didn’t really matter at all. I was SHIT on but I was also able to wash it off and laugh. What a crazy idea? I hold onto so much SHIT, it’s time to wash it all off and laugh. It doesn’t have to make me anxious! I can move past this SHIT!

Here’s the challenge for myself and everyone – If you get anxious and feel SHIT on, just wash it off and laugh. It’s that easy (at least when it’s seagull SHIT). Going forward, I am going to imagine that seagull and how easy it was to change my perspective and wash it off. I make things so much more difficult for myself – it’s time to make it simpler and embrace life more. Make the choice to change my perspective – Only I have that power. Only YOU have that power. STOP PEE’ing on TODAY and Laugh at the SHIT! 

Attack of the “WHAT IF’S” on the open road…  As you know from my post the other day, I was battling some massive travel anxiety. I know we all feel some type of travel anxiety but it affects each of us differently. Those of us with true anxiety, know that one simple thought, one little worry, one tiny concern, can trigger a landslide of what ifs and over thinking. Yesterday was my big drive home to my mom. The same drive I’ve made several times a year for more than ten years. Yes I said ten years… Crazy right – to still worry about a drive I am so familiar with? This was nothing new, nothing unexpected, and nothing out of the ordinary. The first hour of the drive is always mentally the hardest for me. My kids were distracted with their movies and iPads so I was left to my own worried thoughts. Now you know as well as I do that anyone with anxiety being left alone to their thoughts can be quite daunting especially on the open road. During this first hour, I tried a book on tape, but couldn’t get there mentally to pay attention. I tried music, but my worried thoughts got louder. I tried talking to my kids, but they were busy distracting themselves (which I should be proud of what great travelers they are).  The what ifs pretty much started immediately:

• What if I have a panic attack in the car?
• What if I can’t breathe?
• What if I have a heart attack while I’m driving?
• What if I fall asleep at the wheel?
• What if we have an accident?
• What if my car breaks down?
• What if I can only make it half way and get stuck?
• What if something bad happens?
• What if I can’t relax?
• What if I get dizzy?
• What if my head ache gets worse?
• What if the drive back is bad?
• What if I can’t drive back?

I think I soon started what if’ing the what if’s? As the drive continued, I started to calm. I started to ignore the what ifs (well somewhat). I knew once I got to my mom’s I would be OK.  But it was that battle to fight the fear of the drive and the fear of changing my already “stuck” routine. Isn’t it funny how we can get so bored with our routines and almost desperate for change, yet scared shitless to make that change (or really any change).  How could I not be happy with my kids and my mom at home? DUH – that’s a no brainer for me. So as the drive went on, I started to feel slightly (not totally empowered) that I was fighting through the fear and actually was OK! And I was going exactly where I wanted to go…  We made it safely to my mom’s house in six hours. None of my what if’s happened – NONE! Those pesky what if’s attempted to attack me on the open road – which is pretty scary – but they didn’t win. And that feels really good. I am slightly embarrassed at how many what if’s crossed my mind on that drive. And slightly embarrassed to publicly admit it – but that’s why I created this blog.  What’s so funny is that I actually took myself out of the NOW and even worried about the drive home later this week…. Now that’s all anxiety talking. If I could only get myself to STAY IN THE NOW! 

I practiced distractions (a trick I learned when you are sitting in over thinking too much) – find distractions. There are only so many distraction options you have when you are on the open road and while being attacked by TONS of what if’s. So I started making calls to friends. Who can I call to talk to? Let me get my brain focused on other things. Who do I need to follow-up on? What do I need to do?  After a while, by not giving as much thought to the what if’s in my brain, they slowed down. I listened to music and then I listened to Oprah. As I am sure you have discovered, I am a HUGE Oprah fan.  The best book on CD ever – What I know for Sure. If you haven’t read it or listened to it – go get it ASAP. She speaks to those of us with anxiety or anything really that is holding you back from embracing life and being in the NOW. She talked about finding JOY, but also recognizing JOY. And most importantly she talked about SELF CARE. Why don’t we do the things we do for others for ourselves. Why do we always come last?

As my what if’s are still back there in my mind, but much much quieter, I challenge myself and others to find JOY in your life. I have decided to practice gratitude and keep a journal by my bed. Every morning and every night, I will write a few things I am grateful for and also what I like about myself.  We are so quick to put ourselves down! BUT no more my friends – YOU MATTER!  YOU ARE ENOUGH! YOU ARE LOVED! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!  YOU CAN DO IT ! It’s amazing that just saying those words can shift your perspective. It could be as simple as opening your eyes with another chance to have a better day, to make a difference, to help someone, and most importantly to embrace our own messy journeys.

Travel Anxiety – UH OH 

Does anyone else suffer from travel anxiety? I am planning a trip tomorrow to drive to visit my mom. Of course, I’ve made this drive a thousand times. And of course, once I am on the road, I’m fine. And of course, I can’t wait to see my mom and once always glad to be there. But right now, my head hurts, my stomach is churning, and I am worrying a thousand worries.  Suddenly a thousand what if’s are echoing in my head… Anxiety causes massive over thinking. I am trying to learn to STOP! Trying to yell STOP at that voice in my head.  Trying to rationalize with myself. We all know, however, when you have anxiety, you don’t always have the ability to rationalize.

The definition of OVER THINKING – Think about (something) too much or too long.

I’ve googled how to stop over thinking – but realistically its way easier said than done. The first step to stopping yourself from overthinking is to learn when you are doing it. Like we honestly don’t knwo when we are doing it.  LOL.  Whenever you notice yourself feeling stressed or anxious take a step back and observe the whole situation. Many times we start to over think because we are scared. We think of all of the possible things that could potentially go wrong. Instead, start to picture all of the things that can go right and keep those thoughts in the front of your mind. Theses are things that optimistic people do every single day. These are the things rational people do – but they don’t suffer from anxiety. When you begin over thinking, get up and change places. Studies show that a new vantage point can be enough to shake you out of a fruitless thought process. You can also try distracting yourself with a new hobby such as running, dancing, knitting, or learning an instrument.

As I found myself spinning in circles of travel anxiety and another migraine, I spent the morning watching reruns of Sex and the City. Honestly, still one of my favorite shows, especially when anxiety strikes. But after a while of being too still, I’ve realized I need to move, to get distracted, and BE IN THE NOW! The longer I continued to sit and focus on my worries, the worse I felt… I’m pee’ing on today again. I am anxious about tomorrow and the future. I don’t have any control over the future.  But that’s anxiety – we worry about the past and the future. We worry about the things we can not control. We worry about the unknown.  We worry about not having a plan (at least I do). The sun is shining, my kids are laughing, and I am about to see my mom. I can’t worry about driving tomorrow and something bad happening. I have to embrace today and embrace my experiences – not fear them. Anxiety loves to attack our fears!  I like everything to fall into this nice neat little plan/package (just as I imagine in my head).  I’ve learned the hard way that life doesn’t work that way.  It’s a Messy Journey!

HUMOR

Good Morning my friends, I started the day by posting a few inspirational quotes. I must say that I am thoroughly overwhelmed by the heart-felt responses I have received. Thank you to everyone who is following this blog and stepping out of the silence.  The news this week has been more than daunting. I don’t know about you, but the news has always made me anxious. I always end up worrying about a car jacking, a murder, an abduction, or a fire. I wish the top headlines were about people helping people. The media focuses so much on the negative, it’s pretty much impossible to not be anxious. Why can’t we hear more about the good things? Why can’t we hear about the fighters, the survivors and the heroes/heroines (note I say heroines too because women count)?  I could personally care less about Kloe Kardashian’s baby daddy or the number of crimes/murders the city has already had.  I’d rather hear about hope and love and support in our communities and cities.

So today, I have decided to keep the TV off. I am going to “try” to keep my phone down. And I am going to focus on NOW – this moment and the beautiful Carolina blue skies – but with a side of humor. Anyone who really knows me, knows that I love a good “stupid” joke, even a dirty one (I am not offended). My husband calls my humor “Joe Bazooka,” you know like the chewing gum we had when we were kids with the cartoon jokes. Yup that’s me. My kids even roll their eyes at me. But in the depths of my anxiety, being silly ALWAYS makes me feel better. Making people smile and laugh (and making myself laugh) – ALWAYS makes me feel better. I must say I do laugh at my jokes too! With that said, I am going to share some of my favorite jokes to laugh at, roll your eyes, and wonder what I was thinking, if but for a moment, to make you laugh and forget about being anxious. Now if these jokes don’t work for you and you happen to have Alexa at home, you must ask Alexa to tell a knock-knock joke, a dirty joke, and “a yo momma so fat joke.” 🙂 Or ask Siri on your iPhone what 0 times 0 is? 

Here are my favorite jokes: (I hope you enjoy them as much as I do) 

• How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?  5, 1 to do it and 4 to brag about how good he was.
• How do you drown a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the bath tub…
• How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it
• What’s black and white and red all over? A sun burnt zebra
• What did one pencil say to the other pencil? My you look sharp
• Want to hear a dirty joke? The pig fell in the mud
• What’s the difference between a snow man and a snow woman? Snow balls
• How do you get a squirrel down from a tree? Pull down your pants and show him your nuts
• Why did the cow cross the road? It wanted to go to the mooovies.
• What has four legs, one foot and one head?  A bed
• Why is the butt divided vertically and not horizontally?  It would clap nicely if you ran down the stairs… Ok, now stop imaging it!

Have a great Saturday! STOP – PAUSE – BREATHE – LAUGH – And maybe even tinkle in your panties a little from laughing!