What do I need RIGHT now? The question sounds simple enough. Yet during this past year of pure insanity, I think we have all lost the innate ability to focus on “what we need” to make us happy, calm, relaxed, or even at peace. This year has literally robbed us all of sanity. We have been stuck in a constant fight or flight mode. As soon as we start to relax or get into some semblance of a routine – POOF – another challenge. I want to put my entire family into a bubble packaged with bubble wrap to keep them safe and secure from everything and everyone.

As busy moms, how often do we take the time to stop and ask ourselves ” What do I need right now?” Somehow in the midst of Covid, and no school, and virtual school, and everyone home, and everyone home, and everyone home (did I say everyone home), and then back to school partially, and then back to school four days a week, and then back to school 5 days a week, I have somehow lost my ability to truly take care of myself. How could you not?

How often do we just stop to acknowledge whatever range of emotions we are feeling? How often do we just give ourselves some GRACE! If you are like me, you haven’t and you certainly don’t stop for self care. I have been focused on the never ending amount of dishes that continuously appear in the sink. I have been focused on my family and navigating through Covid and home school and everything else in between. I have been focused on meal plans and finding projects around the house to keep me busy. I have been focused on anything but me and what I need. Instead I have felt claustrophobic, stuck, worried, concerned, always on edge, and not giving myself some grace.

So how do we take more care of ourselves? How we do make time for ourselves? I am personally very guilty of enabling my family a little too much and putting way too much pressure on myself instead. In my own anxiety and throughout my messy journey, the need to control things and have them perfect has been a big issue. During this pandemic my insane need to find some semblance of control has manifested itself by obsessing over keeping my house impeccably clean. And I mean PERFECTLY clean. Like one spot in the sink makes me crazy, or the constant dishes in the sink, or the juice boxer wrapper camouflaged on the floor, or the endless dog toys, or the empty water bottles laying around…. etc… Small little things have become very big annoying things. Hello OCD!

I am also soooo tired of the four walls of my house but at the same time I don’t want to leave my house. It’s a complete and utter oxymoron. The house seems to shrink when everyone just happens to be in the same room, same spot at the same time… How that always happens I don’t know? Yet when they aren’t here, I wish everyone was snuggled together. I yearn for peace and quiet, yet when I have it, I become anxious and unsettled. It’s this strange place to be in – one where you aren’t quiet settled in the present but accustomed to distractions and issues and challenges. As things slowly settle into another new normal and the school year is ALMOST over (THANK GOD), we can finally start to readjust and realign and redo and find some grace. It’s finally time for us Moms to step back and start to take care of ourselves.

After a recent doctor check up, the doctor told me how woman over the age of forty have hormones that wreak absolute havoc on our bodies. And then you throw in a pandemic – well it’s all to hell in hand bag (or is it hand basket)? Regardless, if you are a busy Mom over the age of the forty mixed with this pandemic and a handful of lovely hormonal emotions has made you feel worse. At least it has to me! Men are so lucky! They can decide to lose weight and a month later they’ve done it. Their bodies don’t show stretch marks and their minds don’t suffer emotional outbreaks.

Wow what a year this has been!! Who would have ever thought in our lifetimes we would EVER have experienced something like this. Our entire world shut down. It utterly and completely SHUT DOWN and everything and everyone STOPPED across the entire world. During this past year, I have needed a glass of wine, anything with cheese in it, and whatever Amazon said shoppers are buying right now. As we all know these are temporary fixes and literally just add on the pounds. I have not stopped to ask myself what do I REALLY need right now?

This morning as I sipped my morning coffee with the kids off to school and the husband upstairs working, I realized that I just needed to close my eyes and take a little nap. I was tired and didn’t need to feel shame for simply being tired. I just needed to allow myself what my body needed – a little nap at 9:30 am. For the record I did get up at 6:30 am to take my one son to school and just couldn’t wake up today. Normally I would have a mental battle about all of the things I should or shouldn’t be doing and start overthinking into an anxious swirl. But today I stopped myself and asked “What do I need RIGHT now?” The answer was simple – To take a deep breath and just relax and close my eyes for a few minutes. And poof – I did it and felt relief! I stepped back for a minute and asked myself “What do I need right now?” And finally listened!

I challenge all of us to ask ourselves at least once a day – “What do I need right now?” and then to actually listen to what your body and mind are telling you!

And for anyone who needs to hear this:

YOU MATTER

YOU ARE ENOUGH

YOU ARE LOVED

AND YES YOU CAN DO THIS!

What do you need right now?

#themessyjourney