THE FORCED PAUSE – During our Messy Journeys, we all want the option to pause our lives. We are supposed to control our own lives, our own actions, and our own behaviors. Normally and in 2019 yes – but because of the Coronavirus of 2020, absolutely everything has drastically and suddenly STOPPED.

None of us wants to be forced to STOP –  And definitely not stopped dead in our tracks.  To STOP every normal daily activity. To STOP all of those small simple little things we take for granted. To STOP going to the grocery store. To STOP going to the mall (which for some of us is harder than others – present company included). To STOP going to the gym. Or even to STOP hanging out with friends and family.

Due to this epidemic (one I never imagined I’d experience in my lifetime), we have ALL been forced to STOP. I mean STOP absolutely every little single detail of our lives (good and bad). I am learning however that this is really more of a forced PAUSE. Whether we like it or not, the world keeps spinning around it’s axis, the days and months continue, the seasons continue, and life goes on (just not as we know it). We have to figure out a way to adapt or our sanity will dissipate.  If you are anxious, this forced stop and the inability to accept change will cause way way way more anxiety. Did I say WAY more anxiety?

My anxiety is through the roof. I initially found solace in my family being home together. The key word here is “initially.”  I actually liked having the kids home “initially.” I focused my attention on fun activities for our family, planning meals, stocking the fridge and freezer, and keeping the house clean and Lysol’ed. I always clean when I’m anxious (which is both good and bad). I was somewhat accepting what was going on around me…. UNTIL….. HOME SCHOOL and Virtual Learning and the STAY HOME Order. The Government urging me to stay home and not go to the  grocery store, not go to Southern Spirits, or even just a cute little boutique – started sending my anxious little brain into OCD over drive. And the normal 2019 evening homework battles became during the day! Yeah me! We have all been adjusting, adapting, dealing, etc with this pandemic differently. I’ve worn my self out trying to clean, teach, clean, teach, prepare, plan, clean, teach, cook, provide, clean teach… Do you see the pattern here? My saving vice – a glass of red wine, well maybe a few glasses. If you suffer from anxiety you are well aware, it will catch up with you eventually. Hello Anxiety! Today it ALL caught up with me…. I’m stuck… The wine, stress, hormones, home school, my house, Lysol, the obsession with face masks, not having a face mask, not having gloves, running out of wet ones, running out of toilet paper, and last but not least – staying in my house and just BE! I am not very good at practicing the pause and or being still or anything associated with “just be.” I can’t go to the gym or a yoga class. I’m certainly not good at motivating myself. I really have to step up for me, but I haven’t been. Distractions… distractions… distractions… This really is a FORCED PAUSE. A forced stop of old behaviors and actions and a reason to practice gratitude. As Moms, we do very little for ourselves. Now that we have to do even more for everyone else – it’s even more important to find ourselves again and just PAUSE. Pause to breathe. Pause to listen to the birds. Pause to thank your kid’s teachers. Pause to hope you don’t have to keep home schooling. Pause to be thankful for all of your blessings (big and small). Pause to find peace.  Pause to just pause.  PAUSE!

I have gotten myself into a big tightly wound up knot with everything and everyone circling around me –  especially the worries of this virus. I have been trying to manage my anxiety by distractions. Everything is just so scary and so different right now. I haven’t given myself any grace during this challenging time. I haven’t given myself any grace period. We all need to give ourselves some grace here. This is a scary time for the world and everyone in it. We need to give the world a little grace, ourselves a little grace, and practice the pause.

Stay healthy, stay calm, and practice the forced pause!