To the mom who is doing her best….

Life is not easy and of course it’s all about perspective. In the midst of having children in the middle school and high school years actually having perspective is probably one of the hardest things – next to letting go (or at least releasing some of the reigns).  Sometimes (when I am completely overwhelmed which seems to be more often than not) I try to imagine what it was like when I was a kid. We all have some good memories and some bad ones. I prefer to remember the family vacations, playing freeze tag and running races with my friends. I remember jelly shoes and swatch watches and Bennetton.  I remember roller skating in the street to the “Top Gun” soundtrack and dancing around my room with my headphones and cassette player listening to Olivia Newton John and “Let’s Get Physical”. I remember leg warmers and permed hair. We won’t talk about the permed hair and especially not the permed hair and the sun-in days.  I remember Madonna and the song “Like a Virgin” and not knowing what a virgin was. I didn’t have the greatest Dad, but I had a Mom who made sure we had some amazing memories.  I miss the days where we could leave our doors unlocked, ride in the back seat without a seat belt, play outside until the street lights come on, and walk to a friend’s house without a care in the world. I remember when blocking someone meant taking the phone off the hook. And OMG – remember when call waiting was invented. I hated it when my parents were on the phone, what if I missed a call? We had pagers and rotary phones and no internet. We didn’t need the internet because we had our Encyclopedia Britannica books. We wrote notes instead of texting. We rode bikes to our friend’s house instead of playing video games online together. We had the best movies. They don’t make movies like they used to. It’s amazing how a simple line from a movie can bring back a flood of wonderful memories.

• “Goodness gracious great balls of fire!” – Top Gun
• “Wax on.. wax off.” – Karate Kid
• “Luke, follow the force!” – Return of the Jedi
• “When you don’t have anything, you don’t have anything to lose. Right?” – Sixteen Candles
• “Did you call me a chicken?” – Back to the Future
• “The sun will come out tomorrow.” – Annie
• “As you wish….!” – Princess Bride

For me thinking of life so simple, makes the chaos around me not seem quite so chaotic and not so messy.  Today in 2019 – The whole raising kids thing is NO JOKE! My mom always tells me how different things are from her time as a kid to mine and now her grandsons.  Kids and parents today have to be prepared for lock downs and potential shootings. They have to be watched and monitored when they play outside for fear of being kidnapped. They all have cell phones and are posting on social media. They are snapping, tik tok’ing, and learning adult things at too young of an age. They have to be watched for online predators and social media bullies. I wish I could build an invisible fence around family – with the occasional shock collar  (lol).

Everything seems to be moving so much faster than it did in the 80’/90’s. We don’t have the chance to “Paint the fence” or dance around like no one is watching.  Life was definitely so much simpler back then – of course I wasn’t a parent back then either. I am literally scared to send my kids to school. Scared to let them play outside and scared to let them gain their independence. What if they make a bad choice? What if something happens? It’s terribly hard to find the balance between protecting your children and helping them to navigate through life. And finding time for yourself at the same time. Thank you to wine industry for helping to survive this very messy journey!

To the moms out there – What I am learning is that if my kids don’t tell me they hate me at least once – Then I am NOT doing my job as their parent! It’s great to try to be their friend, but they have to learn how to manage in the real world. With each phase of their lives, it’s a learning experience for both of us (the kids and the moms). I couldn’t wait for my kids to say Mom, now I want to change my name to Dad. It’s a balancing act and somehow the needs of Mom are the lowest on the totem pole, if at all. It’s hard not to believe we aren’t wonder woman and we can’t do it all. But we aren’t and we can’t. And that’s totally OK! We just have to tell ourselves that. We make mistakes, they make mistakes. We just have to learn from those mistakes. We have to “Just keep swimming” through our own messy journeys!