I must yet again thank one of the most amazing yoga teachers for my inspiration today.  I also have to give her credit for these amazing words of wisdom.  I don’t know about you, but I have definitely been off my routine lately and haven’t been on the mat for a few weeks. And man I’ve missed it. You don’t realize how much you enjoy yoga until you haven’t been for a while and then you go again.  It’s also so very hard to start back up on anything after you’ve stopped (for whatever the reason it’s something I struggle with). It’s also hard to be accountable to yourself.  For my poor little anxious mind, yoga gives me a place to slow down and learn to breathe. The theme of the practice was about de-cluttering and giving yourself more space. The teacher, like me, can’t handle a messy house (I actually twitch). Sometimes I even try to test myself and see how long I can let the dishes build up in the sink (or if anyone else in my house will do them) before I break down out of pure anxiety from the mess and do it myself. It’s a vicious cycle I’ve done to myself – one that usually has me twitching every time I walk past the sink (either cringing at the mess or muttering that no one ever helps me around the house). The practice was about de-cluttering not just your house but also your body. I personally hold onto a lot of stuff in my house and in my body that I don’t need or that no longer serves me.  We recently purchased a new mattress and bed.  Seems like a harmless purchase right. Well if you have OCD and anxiety like I do, then the chaos of moving things around, cleaning up and reorganizing can very well make you unsettled. We moved our old mattress to our guest room. Still seems harmless right… Well I have a lot of antiques and family memorabilia that I treasure. And these very treasures had to be moved and rearranged and “de-cluttered” to make space for something new.  At first I was excited to redecorate, but as the process of making room continued, I began to feel a knot in my stomach.  I was trying so hard to make space for everything and not let anything go that I was actually making myself anxious and overwhelmed.  I was trying to hold onto things that I really didn’t need. I’ve also been trying to hold onto old feelings I no longer need. There is still this part of me that can’t believe my father has really died and he isn’t there. I still think I’ll wake up it was just a bad dream. It’s time to let go and breathe into those places of angst and release both the tangible and also intangible. The teacher focused on twists to help us make space and breathe through discomfort. Yoga has been helping me to embrace the space of discomfort.  The challenge for me is committing to that practice and committing to helping myself.  Making room can be challenging, but I’m starting 2019 today, February 1st. As the teacher explained, January is really just getting through the year before and preparing you for the new year. My January was just that. Starting my intention today – not a new year’s resolution – but an intention…. Just for me.  I am going to make more space for ME. I worry about everyone and everything fitting into nice neat little boxes, but life and our own messy journeys don’t work that way. I hold onto every emotion, every feeling, every moment and it’s time to let go and make room for something new. Having a puppy has definitely pushed  me out of my box and  brought my anxiety front and center.  The initial lack of sleep and the change in my routine made me somewhat crazy, but now this little fur ball is my little side kick and has been teaching me that I really can’t control everything. And guess what that’s something I need to let go off as do a lot of  you. We try to control everything and by doing so – miss out on everything.

It’s ok to be uncomfortable and it’s more than OK to push yourself toward your own greatness and make space for something oh so more! When we hold onto things and emotions – our houses, closets, drawers and bodies get cluttered. I am tired of feeling cluttered and need to make room for more of the good stuff in life. It’s time to let go of any control, any hurt, worry, or fears and make room for positivity and embracing your own messy journeys. It’s time to make space for me! And it’s time for you to make space for you!