“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” -Buddha
Does anyone else suffer with a lack of self compassion? I know it can’t just be me. I can honestly say I am way more compassionate to those around me vs myself. Ok not every one around me. The crazy drivers on the road who cut me off, I am not so compassionate to them. And I certainly don’t have compassion for some of the morning carpool drivers <insert eye rolling here.>
Self-compassion is extending compassion to one’s self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering.
The other day while rushing around trying to get things done, I noticed the Salvation Army bell. I always feel bad for the workers standing in the cold ringing the bell for donations. I was frazzled, tired, and emotionally drained, BUT I decided to ask the woman ringing the bell if I could get her a coffee. Her face lit up like the Griswald’s house at Christmas. She asked if she could have hot cocoa with whipped cream, she practically whispered the words. I walked into Harris Teeter, rushed for time, and running late, but made a choice to have compassion for someone. Of course the Starbucks line was long and I found myself wishing I hadn’t made this sudden grand gesture. I was twitching and looking at my watch and trying to figure out how losing this time would affect everything I needed to do. I finally got the hot cocoa and walked/sprinted outside to the woman ringing the bell. She was still smiling when I handed her the cocoa. I rushed back into the store not understanding why I felt so compelled to help a stranger. For a split second, I felt better for blessing someone else. Then quickly turned back to feeling rushed, frazzled, and tired. My point of this story – why was it so easy to do a kind gesture for a complete stranger, yet for myself, I am my own worst enemy. Why do we have compassion for others but not ourselves? How do we get more self compassion as we go through our messy journeys?
In an effort to own my choices and be accountable and authentic, I have finally realized it’s time I get out of my hole. It’s time to get out of my rut of stress and grief and sadness and worry and self-doubt. It’s time to take care of me again and join the land of the living. It’s time to control what I can control vs worrying about what I can’t and beating myself up. I am tired – very tired – emotionally and physically tired – drained. And my big ol butt can certainly vouch for that! But my anxiety can also vouch for it. I am mad at myself for slipping backwards and for not taking better care of myself. I had gotten myself to such a good place, exercising, eating right and just enjoying life. Then BAM – a phone call about my father only having a few months to live – sent me spiraling into the world of the uncomfortable. BAM – my messy journey was suddenly too messy! Uncomfortable for me = anxiety. Uncomfortable = things I can’t control. Uncomfortable = self doubt. I slowly stopped taking good care of myself and slipped into a hole. Anyone who really knows me, knows that when I get in my hole, you can sure as hell guess you aren’t coming in and I am not coming out anytime soon. But why is it so easy to support friends and family, but not ourselves? Why don’t we make the choice to have self compassion? We look out for our kids, husbands, partners, parents, siblings, friends, and the salvation army lady ringing the bell, yet not ourselves. As women with anxiety, our needs fall to the bottom. What I’ve noticed is that once we get near that bottom, panic and anxiety kick in full force. Fight or flight mode sends spirals of emotions and then I eat foods I shouldn’t and have an extra glass or two of wine. Yes I admit it – I find emotional comfort in the foods that give me stomach aches and head aches and also increase my anxiety. It makes no sense! I have complete and utter control over what I eat and drink. Yet, when I start to feel myself going into that hole, self compassion seems to disappear. I have made that choice lately to go for the comfort but my body has had it. I am tired of being in this place. It’s time move on with my messy journey and practice self compassion.
Who is with me? Let’s hold ourselves accountable for practicing self compassion! It’s so much easier when you aren’t alone fighting your battles. Let’s encourage each other. Let’s practice loving ourselves, all of our parts, all of our faults, and all of our anxiety throughout our messy journeys.
Here are a few ways to begin practicing self-compassion and stop being so hard on yourself:
- Treat yourself as you would your child or your best friend
- Practice mindfulness and meditation (The Calm app is great)
- Remember that you are not alone
- Give yourself permission to be imperfect
- Embrace your faults
- Smile at yourself in the mirror
- Give yourself a break – it’s OK to go backwards – just keep moving forward
- Remember you are enough
- Continue reading my blog
The Messy Journey 