I believe we are all responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every action, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.  All of my life’s challenges and great moments have prepared me for this experience with my father.  He is still hanging in there but the emotional ups and downs have been absolutely crazy. Did I say crazy?  I have learned so much about myself and my perception of others during this process.

You are only responsible for your own choices!  I am not responsible for the choices of my father or anyone else for that matter.  We have no control over another person’s choices. We try to convince ourselves we do, but in reality we do not.  I have been struggling with the choices that my father has made over his lifetime. I hate him being in this place he is right now. I’ve been so frustrated with his choices. I have felt the nagging need to help and fix and change. But I can’t. I can not change or fix his choices. It’s not my job to fix someone else’s choices. It’s theirs. Just as no one else is accountable for my choices.  I can only change my reaction to someone else’s choices.  I only have power over me.  Just recently has my perspective shifted to really looking at my own choices. I’ve taken a deep dive into my thoughts, my words, and my actions and I must say it is very eye-opening. I challenge everyone to just step back and think about your own choices. Even small simple little changes in the choices you make – truly do make a difference. I started stepping back at Harris Teeter one day in the check-out line. The store was crowded and people were moving and frantic, but then again when isn’t Harris Teeter busy? We are all in such a hurry. For what? Why do we make the choice to always be so rushed. Is it that terrible of a thing to slow down?  Truly slow down?  I stood there watching the checker efficiently and quickly scan items. She was an older woman but always so funny and friendly.  She makes that choice to be funny and friendly.  I then noticed the Bagger – he was slightly older as well and seemed very flustered. I could have chosen to get annoyed that he was frazzled, but I didn’t. I asked him if he was OK. Guess what – he wasn’t. He had almost been hit by a car in the parking lot while collecting the carts outside. He was completely un-nerved.  He kept apologizing and I chose to just listen to him.  He told me the whole story as he bagged my groceries. Other shoppers seemed annoyed and rushed.  But in that moment, I didn’t need to rush home, I didn’t need to rush, so I made a choice to just listen. I even offered to buy him a snickers bar – like the commercial – he laughed.  He couldn’t stop thanking me for listening and for being patient. He admitted he wished all of the store’s customers were like me. I made a simple choice to be patient and kind to others. Can you imagine how much better the world would be if we all made better choices? I left the store with a smile and feeling good inside.

It’s amazing how a dying parent can shift your perspective on people, friends, family, work, and pretty much everything you think and do.  We all spend way too much time trying to change or judge or struggle over someone else’s choices. Guess what – they are their choices. We don’t have that power. We only have the power over ourselves. We only have the power over our own choices and the effects of those choices. If you want things to be different – it starts with one simple little choice. You can either choose to see the negative or you can choose to see the positive. Every morning you have another chance to make a better choice.

I watched a very impactful speech recently by Elizabeth Smart. She was the 14-year-old girl who was kidnapped out of her bedroom and held captive for 9 grueling months.  She was quoted for saying that her mother gave her one very crucial piece of advice when she was returned home. “Elizabeth what these people have done to you is terrible, and there aren’t words strong enough to describe how wicked and evil they are. They have stolen 9 months of your life away from you that you will never get back. But the best punishment you could ever give them is to be happy, is to move forward with your life and do all of the things that you want to do.  Because by feeling sorry for yourself, by holding on to the past, by reliving it that’s only allowing them to steal more of your life away from you. And they don’t deserve that. They don’t deserve a single second more. So you need to be happy, and you need to move on with your life.”

Elizabeth Smart realized they didn’t have power of her anymore and that was very empowering. She realized that the choice of forgiveness is not for the other person. It’s for yourself.  She was recently quoted after realizing one of her captors was about to be released from prison.  “Life is so worthwhile and no matter what has happened to you, no matter what your background is, no matter what your past is, each of us deserves to be happy. Bad things do happen, but that doesn’t mean that they need to define us or destroy our life. We have things that happen to us and yes they shape us, they mold us, but they don’t have to define us. In the end, what defines you is how you react, the decisions that you make. You are who you decide to be. You are captain of your destiny.  You are the one that decides who you are. Reclaim your power.”

Make the Choice – To take a Chance – To make a Change. One simple little choice in a thought, in your words and even in your actions, can shift you and the world around you.